The heat from the summer night rested over me like a blanket from heaven. Darkness surrounded me physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Yet, the Lord delivered the comfort I needed through the summer heat. It warmed the ice cold heart in my beating chest from the most chilling news no one ever wants to hear.
The lump is in fact, cancerous.
I will never forget looking up into the darkness of the night with tears streaming down my face. Sadness, worry, disappointment, anger, and questions rolled over me like the waves of the ocean. The pull of each one getting stronger and stronger with each wave.
I couldn’t fathom how this happened or how I would make it through. I just knew I would serve the Lord no matter what. And if the God I preached about every day of my life leading up to this point, was real and His words were true, HE would see me through every step of the way. But I worried for my young children, with faith not yet mature.
I whispered a simple prayer. A prayer I still hope will resound throughout generations to come.
“Lord, this isn’t about you and me. We are good. I’m not going to grow bitter or angry and turn my back on you. This is about them. Their faith is not yet developed. Their faith is still growing and maturing. I will serve you no matter what the outcome is. As long as I have breath I will praise you, but as for my children…I’m not sure. This is all I ask—let them look back and see only your faithfulness, strength, and power. As they grow, may not say this was the worst time in our lives but the opposite! I remember when there was this time in my life that I look back on and know without a doubt—that my mom and my dad served the one true God! Only he could carry us through such a difficult season. Only He could heal. Only he could provide. Only he could restore. Only he could be that faithful and kind to my family and mom. I want them to experience the strength and faithfulness of you, our God.”
I made a decision then and there that I would humble myself and position myself close to God’s heart, allowing Him to be seen and glorified. I knew this would be challenging but He would give me wisdom.
This healing journey required INTENTIONALITY. I knew the trial would not only develop the faith of generations to come but it would also test my faith and disciplines. Faced with an opportunity to test and prove the Word to be true, I began a journey so much bigger than cancer. It was one of true Healing. Healing that reached into the depths of my heart and washed over every single cell, birthing new life.
In one of the darkest seasons of my life, God did exactly as He promised—He walked with me and continues to walk with me. Never far away. Always near.
Intentionality can reshape our lives.
I would encourage anyone, no matter what type of journey you are on or what you are facing to truly LIVE an abundant life. In the midst of trials, you must decide what you believe. I believed with all of my heart that my Abba was good. There was nothing anyone could say or a diagnosis I could receive that would make me change my mind on that ONE thing!
HE IS GOOD and will ALWAYS be GOOD! He cannot be anything else. Knowing this, I set my intentions and started on my healing journey.
Intentional with words
Throughout my journey, I was extremely careful to keep watch over my mouth. If ever there was a time to “practice what I preached” it was during this time. Psalm 141:3 teaches us to set a guard over our mouth, to keep watch over the door of our lips. I didn’t want my children to hear me speak out of fear. I used my mouth as a carefully crafted tool to chisel away fear and discouragement. I practiced daily gratitude and wrote out different chapters in Psalms before I went to bed to keep my heart, mind, and soul on His truth.
Intentional with faith
I watched over what I listened to and surrounded myself with. I actively pursued teachings on healing, how to heal, worship music, books about radical remission, etc. Anything I could find that would strengthen my faith, I devoured.
Intentional with enjoying present moments
I know this doesn’t seem as spiritual, but I learned to quit living in fear of the future. I decided to love and live with immense gratefulness for what I had been given NOW. For what I had to do TODAY. The sun shining. My child laughing. The dishes needing to be done. The lunches to be packed. The football practice to attend. There is something so freeing and healing when we realize that the daily bread God has provided for us is good for today. His provision is what we need right now. He cares for us today and will continue to care for us tomorrow and the next day and the next and for all of our days on this side of heaven. God is truly more than enough for whatever it is you are facing. Look and search for him. You will find him when you seek him with all of your heart.
Living with intentionality takes reframing, renewing, and training your mind as the Bible teaches us in Romans. We are a new creation and old things are passed away and the new has come.
You have new mercies waiting for you today.
Daily bread for today.
Joy in His presence now.
We don’t experience a full life because of the lack of trials but coincidently, I believe we experience a full life because of trials. James 1: 2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of MANY kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance FINISH its work so that you may be mature and complete, not LACKING anything.”
I love this! We can take comfort in knowing that Jesus came to give us LIFE and LIFE more abundantly in the midst of a dark, broken, sinful, and fallen world. We get to walk not as children of darkness, but of light. We shine brightly reflecting His glory in good times, hard times, and in all the times we have here on this earth. I am learning more and more what the verse in Psalm 90:12 truly means.
“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
The truth is that you, me nor any medical professional knows exactly how many days have been written in our book, which is authored by the Alpha and Omega. But we can live full lives, with hearts rooted in truth and intention, for the generations to come.
